She had another seizure. Four in the morning. She fell this time, hard,on her face. By the time I find out she is at the nursing home again. When they tell me she is asleep.
When I get there she is up. Standing. She won't open her eyes. She grabs my arm, my breast, pulls at my jeans. I say I'm here. It's okay. She grabs at the bandage above her eye. Pulls at the stitches. Her hand is bloody and her head is bloody and I pull her to me. I hold her to my chest and tell her it's alright. She turns and walks into the wall. She can't open her eyes. She is crying.
She starts to sit where she is. I hold her, ease her to the floor. Ease her back up again. She hums and cries and cries and hums. She can't see where she is and I tell her I love her. I love her. She is pinching my middle and grabbing me she puts her arm in my shirt and through my bra strap and she pulls into me. I whisper to her. Hold her. Ease her down into her blue chair and cover her with a blanket. Put her head back. Walk her to sleep.
I watch her sleep. The blood drying into her eyebrow. The bruise on her forehead. The faint stain on the pillow from the blood in her wet hair. When she wakes she wants to walk right away. I take one arm. L. takes the other. She is woozy and we hold her up. She still can't open her eyes. She still cries. I tell her the lights are out. I tell her we're okay. They give her something for pain. I try to give her vanilla ice cream. They give her something to make her rest and she fights it she fights it she walks and pushes and cries and fights but she can't see and she can't talk and she is scared. We walk around the hall. I get her in her chair and I push her in circles around the unit.
When I leave she is asleep and I smell like my mother's blood.